it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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