Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
