so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
