and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
