My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
nutella sex= disaster
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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