I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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