my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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