Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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