I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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