I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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