I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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