We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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