I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
