i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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