And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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