My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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