my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
