i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
