it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
