Already got asked if we're dating
I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
A bitchslap is in order.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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