I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
