apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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