got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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