Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
