Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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