Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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