I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
