I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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