She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
