I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
