He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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