Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
