i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
