About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
