so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
