theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
