I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I want her autograph on my taint
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
