Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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