??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
