Michael Bay diarrhea
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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