i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
