Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
