Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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