I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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