sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
