I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize