I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
