My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
