just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
