ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
