I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
