Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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