You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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