Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
