Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize