I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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