You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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