420 ftw
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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