is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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