it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
