I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
