You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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