I will die if light touches me.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
