you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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