She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
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