just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
