My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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