I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
